HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS
#happy 450th you old loser i hope you’re banging kit marlowe in heaven
Asexual Montparnasse though.
Who makes out with people and leads them on, and when they strip?
Steals their clothes and runs out the door.
how do you say ‘please talk to me more i crave your company’ to someone without sounding like a creep
attempt at work is going well…
i see you too!!
feeling the love guys
Anonymous asked: savescum it, or cheese it with ranged stealthy bastardry
Nah, I’ll just repeat after I finish this assignment due tomorrow. Third times the charm, and if that fails, i’m gonna stick an arrow in the bastard.
Anonymous asked: Didn't you know escort missions/quests are always entirely bullshit
But he caused me to have an emotional response first time round, because I felt responsible for his ‘death’. I’ve managed to get perfectly benevolent alignment, fabulous weapons and armour, and he keeps fucking me over.
So pissed off. That’s the second time the trader has vamoosed halfway through the quest. I was so careful to protect him, but he just bloody up and vanished. Argle.